The merry band of trolls goes to work

My Friends, I bring you exciting news about my bloggists going to work.

This is the kind of spirit we need - take it to the enemy, my friends!

The Leader of Iran

My friends, apparently there are questions about whether I really understand who the leader of Iran is.

Of course, I do.

This is him, right?

I'm looking for a few good trolls!

My friends, my friends -- now that I'm an expert bloggist, there's one thing I've learned about this craft.

It's HARD!

It's not like those townhalls, where you can just slice and dice your stump speech, sprinkle in a few nice words about the the policies everyone would prefer but I refuse to adopt, then head back to the bus where Tim Russert can give me a back rub.

Apparently, the internets are really big on "output" and "originality".

Consequently, my friends, I've decided that I need some help.

My friends, I'm looking for a few good bloggists, a few good e-men (and women!). I understand such inline warriors are call "trolls".

So, my friends, I'd like to recruit you as my merry band of loyal trolls!

I've been hard at work, coming up with talking points that you can help me spread over the internets. For those of you that can't transcribe your favorite objective journalist (LOL - that still means Lots of Laughs) fast enough, I've written some out for you.

For example, when someone stops whining about their lack of health care or bitching about their loved one's 84th tour in Iraq long enough to focus on the real issues -- the issues like SOLUTIONS, which matter to everyone -- you can refer to my mothership and BAM!

Or - you can bring it up yourself...

If you're 'rapping' with someone online, and they start talking about boring things like 'Social Security' or 'GI Bills' -- you can say something like:

Why are we wasting our time talking about these distractions? We should be talking about the ISSUES. For too many elections, too many politicians have been afraid to tackle the real ISSUES that affect their lives. Isn't it finally time we talked about SOLUTIONS? John McCain believes this is a time for SOLUTIONS! We ought to stop with distractions - John McCain believes now is the time for SOLUTIONS! SOLUTIONS are the major issue of our time. We cannot continue to waste our time arguing and we must deal with the issue of SOLUTIONS!

SOLUTIONS!

When they claim you're unwilling to discuss the economic, diplomatic, and military feasibility of a 100 year occupation of Iraq - you can even pretend you're Ronald Reagan and say "There you go again..." and get them back to talking about the real issue this campaign, SOLUTIONS.

We're working hard to come up with some rewards for my loyal trolls - but we'll have more on that later.

Keep checking here -- I'll even give you a heads up on hot new talking points before they hit the mothership!

I'm Jesus!

I'm Jesus!

Seemed to work out OK for that band that has all the young people so excited... the Boll Weevils... the June Bugs... err... THE BEATLES!

Shocked, SHOCKED!

My friends, I am shocked, SHOCKED to find so many lobbyists having infected my campaign.

My friends, you know I'd never lie to you. I have top people, TOP PEOPLE (didja all watch the Indiana Jones triple feature on Sci-Fi this past weekend? Me too!) working on the issue now.

Right now, I suspect that my aftershave, Eau de' Maverique, may not be as effective in driving away those lobbyists as I'd hoped.

More talkies!

That Barack Obama makes me so DAMN MAD!

My friends, now he's trying to attack me for sharing the same views as my BFF (that means Best Friend Forever!), even though I don't (see my profile - I LIKE polar bears!), all because my BFF said bad things about him in front on a foreign legislative body... even though he didn't.

It's so unfair!

I've got answers to all the things I have to answer for - they're the same answers George W Bush had, but now they'll be coming from me, so they'll work better this time.

Damn talkies!

My friends, we have a scourge on our hands.

I love technologicalness -- but just as I was getting in some good shots on Obama regarding Hamas, up pops a "talkie" .

When I decided to run for President, nobody told me that things I said previously still counted -- and certainly, nobody informed me of these "talkies".